


I Will Save Myself

by rocketgills



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fallen Castiel, Gen, I see nothing but pain here, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-04
Updated: 2013-07-04
Packaged: 2017-12-17 17:00:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/869870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocketgills/pseuds/rocketgills
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Castiel begins the difficult process of adjusting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Will Save Myself

The last thing Castiel saw when he fell back onto the grass was the night sky with his siblings falling like comets through it. As he fell into unconsciousness the last thoughts that passed through his mind were that it was beautiful and that it was all his fault.

When he awakened it was slow. He was disoriented. He took in too many sensations at once. The soft matress against his back, the cool filtered air around him, the sunlight shining against his eyes, his heart beating too loud in his all too human ribcage, the soreness in his body, the pain deep in his center — he believed that was hunger. True hunger. An arm around him, the rumbling of two living human beings on the bed.

He squeezed his eyes shut.

It was too much for the angel. Well he wasn’t an angel anymore, was he? His grace, it was gone, he couldn’t feel it at all and he felt more human than he ever had.

How did they do it? Experience so much? Feel so much pain? Castiel couldn’t, he knew how to fight how to plan, how to follow orders, how to do practical things, laundry, cook, feed his body, rest, but what was it to really be human. Well he knew it in his head, it was to feel, to suffer, and to survive.

If nothing else he could do that and he would, for the brothers’ sake. For Dean and Sam. For himself. He’d had more than enough of failure.

But for now he opened his eyes for a moment, resting his hand on the one curled protectively around him, and turning his head towards - Dean, of course. And Sam asleep and looking feverish but better than he had in a long while on the other side of the older Winchester. They both look like they’d been crying.

Strange. He’s always known how that felt.

He curls into Dean, feeling overwhelmed and safe and falls back asleep. Maybe things will look better with rest.


End file.
